The Perfectionist Mindset
On this week's episode of The Dance Docs, I sit down with Dr. Scott Leydig to discuss a listener's question about perfectionism. Scott and I look a little deeper at what is perfectionism, why it may be common in the dance community, and how to identify and help a dancer who has this kind of mindset. We round things out with ideas for our teachers and instructors in understanding how to build a supportive environment for the dancer.
Listeners Question:
Hi Dance Docs, after many years of being a dancer and then working with dancers I have noticed how perfectionism and self worth are tied so closely to the outcome in this community. This was not something I necessarily realized when I was dancing but as soon as I transitioned to teaching this became very apparent. Is there a way that we can create an environment that is well rounded in helping a dancer to progress and grow without them feeling like they have to be perfect all the time, or that they are a failure if the outcome is not perfect? Thank you for any help and insight that you may be able to share.
What is perfectionism
Perfectionism is not about always wanting to be perfect, it’s a sense of never being good enough.
This is something that is seen throughout the dance community, many times in class or performance a dancer is always looking for what they can improve upon, how they can do it better instead of feeling that sense of accomplishment.
2 biggest reasons for perfectionism that I see in dancers is
A constant feeling of not being good enough
Low self worth
Low self esteem
wanting control in their life
not wanting bad things to happen
Megan Fairchild said in The Ballerina Mindset: “how do we find the balance between striving towards perfection and accepting what we know is our best effort.
How do we see this expressed in dancers
Mentally and emotionally
negative thinking
reduced self-worth
Sadness
Anxiety, fear
body image issues
Socially
rarely satisfied and always question themselves
looking for validation- but don’t believe it
Behaviorally
Overtraining
Burnout
lack of self-care
Self esteem based around achievement
You are only as good as what you do
Brings in negative self talk
Dancer who is hypervigilant in looking for mistakes, or flaws in themself
Dancer who does not want to show fear
Don’t want to ask questions- may look silly
Want to come across as strong, confident, and get it done attitude
Dancer may feel that showing Fear or vulnerability may lead to rejection or not being accepted
Vulnerability = strength/confidence
Asking for feedback (or just being open to it) can lead to increased performance
Always pushing
Dancers who are staying late after class to work on something, pushing long hours at the gym
“Should mindset” - I should be doing this
May become paralized by all of the shoulds → halts progress
Too many shoulds can lead to increased procrastination, and decreased motivation
When patients say, I should…”, I ask patients “says who?”
How can we shift the mindset of a perfectionist
First we have to be aware of our own self-talk
Take an inventory of our own positive/negative self-talk ratio
If it is in the negative range, change it to the positive
Catch yourself doing GOOD → positive self-talk
Know that there is not just one egg in your basket
Maybe a dancer struggles with turns but is an amazing jumper
Maybe there is something that happened outside of dance that is leading you to and off day, week, month
Connect with other dancers, instructors, parents, peers, therapists-
Let people know how you are feeling
May not know how much you are struggling
Experiment with vulnerability, and see how it can be freeing and increase overall self worth
Don't always have to have full control over what you d
Find Enjoyment- Turn your shoulds into wants
I should be working on my grand allegro
Break it down into small steps
I am going to spend 30 minutes doing lower body plyometric program 2x/week
I am going to go across the room one extra time on both sides during grand allegro in class
Reframe the “should” statement
“I should be better at grand allegro” → “I’m pretty good at grand allegro, but I have some room for improvement and I will work hard to make it happen”.
Life is an experiment not an exam
Like so many things we are not going to get it 100% right
Lower the pressure on yourself
Try to see if there is another way to try or do something
Push through the fear in order to experiment with new behaviors
Stop trying to save yourself- if things are not perfect let them be, walk away for a few days and then come back
Mental imagery-
visualization of the positive performance of something
Visualize the feared situation/technique going well
Things that bring you joy/ peace
How to work with Dancer in a positive way to shift this mindset
What teachers, ballet masters, and companies can do:
Help train the dancers minds to find the good with 3 to 1 ratio positive:negative
Positive reinforcement → praise praise praise → increased motivation → optimal performance
In one of my Pilates teacher training we used what we called the sandwich method when giving corrections. I find this really helpful when working with someone in this perfectionist mindset to stay in a more positive or neutral place
What they did good, what they can work on, and finish with something good
Example: coming into your pirouette setting up that fourth position very clean, as you begin your pirouette you are hiking the left shoulder up, dropping into the right side of your waist, and that is causing you to lose your balance during the turn, in the end you were able to land the pirouette and move onto the next part of the choreography.
Think about when you are giving feedback-
You can use the sandwich method when you are giving feedback after a combination, or after the piece is done.
If you are giving corrective feedback during the exercise/ combination, maybe have a discussion with the dancer at some later point, I see you are working really hard on this skill and I can see improvement
Also consider your own skills as a teacher, not every cue will work for everyone. How can you grow your own vocabulary to make you a better instructor or ballet master
Make sure dancers feel SUPPORTED
Dancers who feel supported will perform better
Ask dancers about their needs
Focus groups, open conversations, increased equity
Build a positive environment and culture
Build your credibility allowing dancers to grow under you rather than shut down
Maybe this is when you have a conversation with the dancer/parent that they might consider working with a sports psychologist or mindset coach
Build your support network for the dancer
Have some resources that you can share
Recognize the dancer in front of you
No two dancers in your class are going to be the same
Individualized treatment plan
If a dancer comes to you for feedback, really try to give them something to work towards
Are you recognizing certain characteristics that we have mentioned
Help the dancer turn should’s into wants
Help them enjoy dancing again
Too many times in young dancers they are so hyperfocused on a career in dance that they forget why they started
I love the opportunity to work with adults who have come into dance because they dance for the joy of dancing, because it fulfills something for them
Many times we are looking to use our love for dance and art to leave the world in a better place, become an escape for people. When we lose the joy for dance it becomes very easy to slip into the not good enough realm.
Sometimes you have to stop trying to help!
A dancer who is in a perfectionist mindset who is constantly being corrected will go down a spiral of not feeling good enough, never advancing
If you have a student who is in this place try asking them after class “how can I help you”
Think of a time when you really enjoyed this activity, or choreography. Sometimes you need to do it even when you are not feeling motivated (procrastination)
Sometimes just start with the action
At home practices to help with staying in a neutral or positive space
Self-care
focus on things OUTSIDE dance → can actually help increase focus, motivation, etc.
Try not to let the things outside of dance that bring you joy be seen as something that takes you away from your work as a dancer
Toothbrush metaphor
If you don’t brush your teeth one night that might be ok
If you don’t brush your teeth for a month, you may begin to develop cavities
Self care can be the same way- what are you doing on a daily, weekly, monthly basis that is helping your overall mental health
Journal positive qualities about yourself/performance
Journaling can also help you identify when you had high self esteem, and can be a guide to get you back to that place
Write down all of the things you “should” be doing → change them to wants
Make an action list
Journaling may be positive for dancers due to the visual kinesthetic properties
Consider free writing and just writing down your thoughts to take an inventory of where you are at
Meditation with positive affirmations
Even a 5 minute meditation can help to pull you out of the dark spiral
May help to balance mentally and emotionally
Most important thing is that you go out there, give it your best, and enjoy what you are doing. This will translate to the audience even more than a perfect petite allegro variation or grand pas.